Sunday, July 25, 2004

.:lost inside:. 2:40 PM

Monday, July 19, 2004
TIME TO GO
in an hour's time im gng back to camp!back to tough training..back to a secluded part in singapore...where green creatures rule the place...it's been a gd dae at home...recuperating mentally n physically...with pple encouraging on...ur encouragements are not in vain, they are truly words tat can keep a despaired soul push his way out of the wilderness...prayers are powerful in Jesus' name..they tremble hell's gate...sometimes i tink im attacked by the enemy somehow...it kinds of make sense...when i was coughing blood out...but no matter wat...i rebuke them in Jesus' name...God is IN me as celine has said...haha,her tag hit me in my heart...most of the time we are always tinking of God being WITH us..but actualli He's IN us instead!our bodies are temple of God...
anyways yea suddenly wanted to listen to PLANETSHAKER's RAIN DOWN...sweet anointing please wash me over i pray...let ur protection cover me against anything tat is harming me..let ur spirit rain down on my life...without you, i will b lost...
Amen.
 

.:lost inside:. 6:03 PM

Sunday, July 18, 2004
Breakthrough from the lowest point
 
there are ups n downs in everyone's life..but surely i am really one of those pathetic cases of having all kinds of unexpected incidents tat clearly affected my facial emotions and piercing through my heart wif the kind of sadness tat one wont wan to experience...the kind of lost feeling daunting you down the kind of shitty feeling tat makes you feel like smashing a glass or jus use a bat and smash something...
let me elaborate...for the past week...erm first incident tat happened...i twisted my shoulder/strain my shoulder ligament.daes later when i was on navigation exercise,i lost my map(an impt military item)-->which means i got to be punished kind of severely i guess,hope i get the minimum of the severe punishment..then in another navi exercise..i cut my face while bashing through some dense vegetation...i hate branches man!!then jus one hour before my supposed book out timing..i was activated for guard duty cos i was a reserve(some selfish pple jus wan their wkends by chao geng-ing,reporting sick so tat they can book out)tis caused my wkend to b burnt..imagine after facing shit for losing a map and then suddenly noeing tat u cant book out til sundae...it reali reali affected me man!then during guard duty....when i was slping,suddenly i woke up...i couldnt breathe...the aircon room felt like hell man...my whole lungs wasnt taking in any oxygen..i staggered to the door and went outside...coughed like mad till i teared..and later..i coughed blood out!!!at tat point..my mind was like wat can go wrong alrdy went wrong..now tis happened to me!!i was defeated at tat point...my heart was crying out to God..i couldnt take it anymore...
sundae morning..i booked out then went to see the doc...either i coughed too hard n vessel broke or lung infection(which i wont wan to hav and i rebuke tat in Jesus'  name)...was so tired and slpy...anyways tis is the most impt part of my entry for todaE!!
during evening svc the msg was about rejoicing in God and serving Him wif joy..the joy of our Lord..i went for altar call...the song was "here i am to worship"..as the song went on..i began to cry..tears were rolling down...i couldnt explain hw i felt..i jus wanted to cry out..i had nothing to lose alrdy...i hav been thru so much shit alrdy...i jus needed peace and joy from God....i was being prayed for...i could feel God telling me not to fear man but fear Him...He is there to take care of me...although the situation is really bad...God is still in control...praise God for tat....i was crying profusely...it was like pouring out my heart after so much sorrow,worries and hurt i had....
i believe it is thru such times i really build up my faith...the devil cant take my life away from me!!!i really really love being in God's presence....He's my shelter of refuge....=)
thanks to those who are praying for me...continue to keep me in prayer...keep u guys updated on my situation...you guys hav been really a great help to me mentally....
 

.:lost inside:. 8:53 PM

Sunday, July 11, 2004
Halow!life's been worrying for the past week i guess...i can jus sit down n jus stone..thru out the wk i was jus tinking of the wk after tis wk..the tings i got to do...all the outfield training..the wkend guard duty which means i cant book out on sat...hiya..moreover there's tis guy in my bunk which totally pisses me off..always finding trouble wif me...to me he's an ass..totally immoral..totally idiotic..he makes my life tough in camp..i wished i wouldnt hav such pple..but it jus happened the other way i guess..anyways yea..reported sick yest in camp..for my prolonged coughing..wif lotsa of phlegms stucked in my body..or shu i sae throat..the feeling sucks..it blocks my windpipe to breathe!
went to see janice off str after booking out fr tekong..then went for prophetic svc!yeaps..it was great..then after svc went to hav dinner wif jean,justin,angie,jason,jacky at meridien..oh yar,jus b4 we left..there was tis big grp of reg D pple squeezed into a car which was meant for 7 pple i tink..madness!!then had ice cream waffle at PIaZZA @ ATRIUM...it was reali heavenly man..haha..i mean at least compared to the food in camp..anyways yea.tis coming new wk will b tough for me i tink..keep me in prayer..and i hope i can spend time wif Him daily..
im abt to finished the DA VINCI CODE book...it raised alot of qns...but i still choose to stand on my faith..i mean who's tis dan brown guy..trying to reverse all the true facts tat happened in the bible...


TRY-NELLY FURTADO
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love




.:lost inside:. 5:16 PM

Saturday, July 03, 2004
I think i have become damn skeptical..always thinking im rite in a way..nt being humble..hmm..okae lolx, maybe not so bad lar=pbut anyways tink im gng into a transition stage,from a fallen state to a upright position...i hope..
anyways seriously..thanks for all the prayers tat have been prayed for my health..i felt better compared to last wk..though the cough is still wif me..i went for xray scan on mondae in TEKONG MEDICAL CENTER..bronchitis negative i tink..thank God..i duno wat i would become if i reali get bronchitis which may lead to asthma..i mean im a sporty kind of person..if i hav tat my life would practically take a 360 degrees turn i guess..but yea it hasnt turn tat way..=)tis wk in camp..was reading the daily bread..there was one of the entry was regarding repeating the same mistake in life..God will not tolerate after countless number of reminders..i guess each of us struggle wif diff stuff in life but i guess we hav to turn away from them no matter wat...saeing tat we "trieD" is gd enuff...it's tough n difficult but it's worthy..nothing else can be better than being in God's holy presence....i always love God's holiness...praising him n worshipping him declaring He's holy...boy it's wonderful.yeaps

as for army training...erm i ran 6km after being excused for 4 daes of physical training..at the end of the run..i felt shit man..during the run,i had difficulty breathing(it's adnormal cos i nv had problems wif running long dist)..but i survived lar..ohyar i went for live shooting(SEction Automatic Weapon)SAW live firing..jus like a machine gun lor..i hate shooting cos we hav to wait n we hav to clear the rounds after shooting...n we hav to declare tat we hav no ammunition when we leave the range..whenever there's range..it's one dae gone!ohyar..the tough training daes are drawing near!!!everydae got to put on CAMO on our faces...hav to chiong ard the forest...oh man..i hate fire movement!haha..okae okae..enuff of army boring stuff...

God rain down on me every dae n night!
.:lost inside:. 11:32 PM